The writing blog of James Christopher Sheppard. I am a 26 year old gay male from London, UK. Here I present my experiences, poems, thoughts and opinions...

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Thursday, 14 April 2011

Response to the comment on my GAY post.

I logged on today to read a slightly alarming comment on my 'GAY' post. I replied to the comment, which demonstrated major naivety and quite a serious case of missing the point, and thought I would also post my reply here, just in case anyone shared this person's opinion. If you want to read the original post and comments, go here: http://jameschristophersheppard.blogspot.com/2011/04/gay.html?showComment=1302781845017#c5340163418719714227

I felt the need to respond to your comment, as it looks to me that you have completely missed the point of it. To clarify what I meant in response to your comments:

1. It is unfortunate, but a reality for gay people that not everyone responds to the knowledge of our sexuality with such indifference. Of course, on the grand scale of things, you experience less intolerance than tolerance, but it is still very much a part of our lives and we are faced with homophobia on a regular basis. I don't go around introducing myself as 'Hi, I'm James and I'm gay', but it is obvious that I am, and some people react negatively to that. I'm sure people never ever respond negatively to the fact that you are a heterosexual man, unless perhaps you are being inappropriate to them.

2. Yes, being gay is an issue because unfortunately a lot of people ARE homophobic. Even those that aren't and are simply naive, like yourself, impact our lives. It is from shared experience that I write about having the same 'so when did you realise you were you were gay?' conversations with people that have no clue. This really does happen. They instigate the mind numbing conversations, not us. It is incredibly boring for us- that is my point!

3. Of course there are frustrations of being straight, and frustrations come in all shapes and sizes for everyone- but I am writing here about the frustrations that come with being me- a 26 year old gay man in London. I'm not saying that gay people have it worse than anyone else, I am merely writing about my experiences, and it appears that all of my gay friends have had similar experiences, meaning this is a shared experience for those that are homosexual.

4. Your statement: "I find it odd that a person would use a fake voice or pitch to publicly exclaim their sexuality, as for public shows of affection I often find this embarrassing with anybody". Firstly, I agree, people faking any part of themselves is annoying. However, most 'camp' people I know, are naturally camp. That IS their personality. I am often called camp, which I am, and I am at ease with this label. My voice is quite clearly gay and I am quite flamboyant. I can assure you that I am not FAKING this and the fact that you would even consider that all camp people are faking it further illustrates your naivety. As for your comment about public shows of affection, I find they are all about context, not the sex of the people 'displaying' it. That is completely different argument and has nothing to do with this one.

5. Your statement: "I don’t need it rammed down my throat." ...wow.

I'd also like to point out that my original 'GAY' post was not a straight-bashing piece. Many of the frustrations are actually about what it is like to BE gay and what other gay people are like. It also finishes on a positive note, which is the point of the whole post. How it can cause such a dramatic response has surprised me somewhat. I hope this has clarified matters.


  1. Good response. I loved your 'Gay' post. Blogging about personal experience is not, in my opinion, ramming it down anyone's throat. You are quite clearly and authentically you. When anyone manages to be exactly who they are it is something to be celebrated! Xx

  2. Thank you lovely. I think he meant homosexuality in general being rammed down his throat, but either way, he needs to get a grip. I am certain no-one has ever tried to recruit him into the gay lifestyle, therefore how much 'ramming' can he possibly mean?

    And Here Here! Indeed. :) xx

  3. Firstly I didn’t attempt to alarm, I find intellectual discussion appealing and I am well read as to a number of blogs, literature and alike so I replied. Again I didn’t see it as a dramatic response, we all have opinions and often those that differ enable us to sometimes make our viewpoints and sentiments more engaging.

    Naivety is not a label I am usually tagged with; however I must admit my exposure to some lifestyles is vague.

    I didn’t see the original post as straight bashing, it was merely an expression from a Gay male as to issues and frustrations that emanate from his sexuality, not at any point did I even mention my own sexuality in the response, that being a private issue and something I share with very few. The main point in my reply was that very fact, that sexuality should not be an issue other than to you and your partner be it male or female. For fear of appearing naive yet again I do understand most of the issues that were posted and I did go short of replying to every point.

    I do find it very sad and abhorrent that any gay person is confronted with intolerance but I cannot change the way of the world nor the people in it or how they react. I can attempt to try and educate but I cannot be responsible for the moral fabric of society not allowing the human race to tolerant. If I experienced this face to face then I am man enough to see to correct this and redress the balance. It isn’t a crime to be gay (although I did smile to read your reason for not ever voting conservative) and if I am placed in a situation where homophobia is evident I will make my views known that I am unhappy with it. So let’s make this clear that my response wasn’t pro or anti gay, it was meant to express those persons sexuality should be a private affair.

    The remark about fake voices or pitch is was possibly showing my lack of knowledge to why that is, again to counter balance that I just treat people the same whether they are highly pitched or deeply spoken and to bring my original comment back onto the table I do not assume a persons sexuality because of their vocal range. As for flamboyancy then we maybe have more in common with that, I am flamboyant too if I was to describe myself and to no point do I ever think it’s a put down if I am called “a bit of a tart”, its freedom of expression and I accept that, I give it out so in fairness I have to be able to take it as well. As with most things in life I do not exist to seek approval from anybody and I certainly don’t expect that. My views are obviously just an expression.

    As for ramming down my throat, well I did ask for that I guess and was written to possibly amuse, I am not devoid of a sense of humour.

    To finalise for now, I always seek to be educated and understand others and lifestyles and opinions, that’s not outlandish, can I remind that I chose the word critique instead of criticise, there is a fundamental difference. Can I just point out that the original passage just happened to be on the subject of experiences of a gay male, I could equally have critiqued a passage should it have been on the subject of Aboriginal Males or the current price of fuel?

  4. I didn't insinuate that YOU thought it was straight bashing, I was merely putting that out there.

    You did, in fact, point out your own sexuality in your original comment- re-read it.

    It's good that you are saddened by homophobia- but if this is the case, I don't understand the point of your argumentative response.

    It is very well saying 'sexuality should not be an issue', BUT IT IS!!! That is the whole point of my post, why can't you see that??? Gay people ARE often treated differently, and often horribly. You have NO idea what it is like, so for you to simply sit and state your opinion lacks any kind of justification. Yours is an opinion. I am writing about EXPERIENCE, and experience that effects a lot of people.

    If you treat people the same, regardless of voice and flamboyancy, I don't understand your previous comment that indicated that you felt that campness was faked and made you feel uncomfortable.

    I don't really feel that using 'sense of humour' is a valid statement when you are 'critiquing' as you say.

    I don't really grasp what you are getting at in the last paragraph of your response here.

  5. At the end of the day we are just Human Beings, i will except people for who they are regardless of, Gender, Ethnic Origin, Sexual Orientation, Religion, Social Class and just about any other stupid classification that society has given us.
    Basically what i am trying to say is why shouldn't you express yourself as who you are and stay true to your self.
    Why not write about your experiences and perceptions. James's response to the original post is composed well and offers an insight into the challenges that the average homosexual has to contend with.
    A good friend of mine Came Out recently and now his family have totally disowned him he is in pieces because he obviously loves his family very much. What happened to my friend is totally unfair and a sad example of the small mindedness that is so commonplace even in today's society.
    That's why more people should express themselves like James did because if no one is willing to listen then one is within there rights to make them listen.
    If we accepted people for who they were and tried to understand them maybe we understand ourselves a bit more.
    So good for you for being proud of who you are, I was born as a British Citizen but when anyone asks me my nationality i will always say i am Moroccan even if they are racist because i am proud of who and what i am.
    The point i am trying to make is that you should always be proud of who you are and express yourself freely regardless of others animosity.
    If Grant wasn't bothered about peoples sexuality or didn't want to hear to the sentiments of a Gay individual then why was he reading the post let alone responding to it.
    I say Chill the fuck out Let's all accept each other for who we are and have proper party, that's what this planet needs.