The writing blog of James Christopher Sheppard. I am a 26 year old gay male from London, UK. Here I present my experiences, poems, thoughts and opinions...

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Sunday, 16 January 2011


My work is complete and has been submitted. I should be happy. I am, in part. The reality that there is only five months left until I finish University altogether is now plaguing me and preventing any relief of getting my work done from being truly absorbed. I need change; I crave it. The dilemma that I face is what am I going to do next? I don’t want to stay in London, or even the UK. I need more. I am worth more.

The problem is... if I go, I will be going alone. If I stay in the safety net of London and being near my friends and family, I will struggle massively financially and end up taking any job to remain living somewhere incredibly expensive, that I am, ultimately, bored of. I have lived in the South East of England for 26 years, with the exception of the time I spent in Australia. I don’t want to spend all of my youth in one place that clearly isn’t working for me. I would never say London doesn’t have its advantages, but I want to try being somewhere else. I have major cabin fever.

Where do I go though? Should I use my Mother’s house as a base until I figure it out? Financially I think that may be my only realistic option. I just don’t know how I would handle spending a prolonged amount of time living back with a parent and in Hull; somewhere that has very little to offer.

I need guidance and help, but I know I am the only one that can decide and make the move. I also don’t know who could help me. The university only try to convince me to do a masters, which is not a financially viable option for me. Plus, I am really bored of being a student. I want a job. I want to love my job and throw myself into it, and travel for it. I don't know what I want to do or where I want to do it. All I know is I love to write, and it would be a dream to be creative in my employment. 

The void is growing as University draws to a close.

I frustrate myself immensely because I feel that I am not equipped to make the decision. My memory is appalling which I blame on my dyslexia, but also, I have no idea where will make me happy. I only know that I am unhappy here.

I need a handbook for life. 

1 comment:

  1. Will you have some interim time after we finish uni before your university 'routine'/ financial set up comes to an end- i.e. can you set up some work experience - a couple of weeks worth - with a magazine /publsihing house / web something so you can get a flavour of what it's like to work in that sector? It will also give you something on your cv and possibly a few contacts? xx Don't worry Jam- you will make it! Dream Big :-)