2010 was the year...
My passion and engagement in the writing process reached an all-time high. The freedom of the modules ‘Independent Creative Writing’ with the very encouraging Heidi James, and the life writing exploration ‘Get a Life: Forms of (Auto) Biography’ with the infectious and acclaimed author Vesna Goldsworthy, have stood head and shoulders above the other modules I have studied over the past three years. I am more confident as a writer than I ever have been, which in turn has filled me with confidence all round. In writing I have found my strength, and more importantly, my outlet.
I finally saw Hole perform live. Despite Courtney Love being the only original member still in the group, it was a feast I thought I would never experience; hearing Courtney and her band belt out tracks from 1994’s ‘Live Through This’ and 1998’s ‘Celebrity Skin’. Absolutely incredible.
In May I moved into a large two bedroom apartment with Chloe. Living in a larger space with just one other has suited me the most out of any living situation I have experienced since leaving the safety of my Mother’s house in 2007. I have definitely reached a point of requiring where I call home to be a sacred space. The days of parties every week are long gone, as are having a house full of people of a regular basis. Time on my own has never felt so fantastic. It turns out I am a lover of my own company; quite a massive U-turn from my over-sensitive 2007 self when I first came to Kingston.
I bought a new passport! My last passport expired after returning from Australia in 2002. My new passport has been met with a new resolution of leaving the UK at least once a year. My first trip abroad in over eight years will commence in less than two weeks time! I am very excited.
For the first year ever, I maintained regular trips to the gym, which have been very rewarding. I have also not fallen off the non-smoker wagon, which is a major result. I have smoked the occasional cigarette on a night out and had a few over Christmas, but no more than an estimated 80 cigarettes all year long. I am OK with that.
Chloe and I stayed in a hotel in Manchester for a few days in February which was brilliant! We saw Lady GaGa at the MEN and explored the city, which I loved. We were welcomed with open arms by all that we met, and discovered Pesto, an adorable Italian restaurant, with impeccable and delicious food.
I started this blog, which surprisingly has made quite a difference to my life so far. I would recommend blogging to anyone tempted. I plan to open Tumblr account later on today and play around there too! I hadn’t realised how rewarding writing for an actual audience would be. Until I am published, being optimistic, I can use these opportunities to write and create.
I didn’t have sex with anyone during the entire year. I have reached a point that the random sex of the gay world no longer appeals. I am pretty content in my singledom and don’t want sex with strangers, this would sound like a problem to most. I think, however, put a bit of an effort in; buy me a drink, have a flirt, try to actually seduce me and you might get somewhere. When I came out in 2001 I was bombarded by the sex-obsessed gay scene of London and I relished in it. I am happy to have moved past this stage though, as effortlessly as aging. At 16, being 26 sounds incredibly old and uncool. When you get to 26, you look back at 16 and think ‘thank fuck I’m not there anymore.’ Fortunately, acceptance and maturity come with age. 26 year old me is certainly the happiest and most content so far.
I bonded with my niece, Chloe, and nephew, Oscar, more than in the past which has been beautiful. I even attended Chloe’s birthday party and had a role in the party games, thanks to my dear big sister, Samantha!
It’s fair to say that until very recently I hadn’t ever planned for the future or worked towards a solid goal. Before I left Oxted School, my sexuality and its associated anxieties overwhelmed me; before I came to University, I was only concerned with getting work out of the way and getting paid; for the first few years of being in Kingston I just wanted to party and make the most of all opportunity. Now, and for the past year or so, I am considering my future; where I want to be and what I want to be doing. I have so far concluded that I need to leave Kingston in order to assess where I want to be. If the world was free to all, I am pretty sure that I would try living in the USA for a while or Canada. I feel big change right around the corner. The freedom of choice is always ours- something to always remember during very dark times. There is usually a way out.
2010 has been an important year in growth for me. Through the lack of drama and my writing, I have had much self reflection. 2011 is going to be the biggest one yet. A year from now, who knows where I will be writing from?